


Be My Drug

by soslash



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, M/M, Minor Violence, One Shot, Prison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 09:56:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1644623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soslash/pseuds/soslash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall waits for Harry's phone call.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be My Drug

Niall's hands are shaking slightly as he turns the key on the old, rusting lock on the front door. He's in a bit of a hurry to get inside, though he knows he still has plenty of time. He had left his meeting early today (which he probably shouldn't have done, but he almost missed Harry's call last week), so he could get home on time. He's been feeling a bit on edge lately, nervous and jittery. He wants to calm himself with something, but doesn't. He lays down on the couch with his phone resting on his stomach.

_Niall had only used a couple times... okay, maybe more than a couple. It was just something fun to do at University parties every once in a while, so he could ignore all his hard classes and all the pressures being laid on him by his parents. No harm, really. When there didn't seem to be a enough parties to help him forget all he needed to forget, he started asking around. Eventually he ended up waiting by a park bench in the middle of the night, unprepared and a bit nervous._

_"You're, um... him?" he asks, trying not show how startled he was when the other boy seemed to appear out of nowhere. He raises an eyebrow and nods. Niall doesn't say anything for a moment, unsure of what this guy is expecting him to do. He clears his throat and lowers his voice, then he tries to explain what he thinks he's looking for._

_His hands rummage through his pockets for a moment until he pulls out a tiny, plastic bag. "This it?" he asks, offering the bag to Niall. Niall looks at the shiny, oval-shaped pills, colored a shade of green that would usually inhabit the walls of a household kitchen or maybe a girl's nails. For a brief second, he contemplates grabbing the bag and running as fast as he can in the other direction. But he knows how stupid that'd be. Besides, this guy is probably fast._

_He looks at the tall, lanky body standing over him. His arms and shoulders--not very big, but toned--are exposed from his and loose tank top, also showing off a messy collection of tattoos; his fringe is peaking out of a wool beanie. "I, um... I don't have any money," Niall says, scratching the back of his neck._

_Harry rolls his eyes and stuffs the bag back in his pocket. He's about to walk away away until Niall calls out, "Wait!"_

_"Maybe I could pay you some other way," Niall suggests awkwardly. It's a risky offer. An offer that could get him beat up--or worse--in a situation like this. Although, Harry raises an eyebrow in interest, so he tries to explain, "Like I could... you know..."_

_Smirking slightly, Harry takes half a step back and sits on the bench. Resting his arms across the backrest and letting his legs spread a bit wider than what's probably a natural seating position. "If you can't spit it out, why don't you show me?"_

Niall's brought back to the present by the buzzing of his phone. A jolt of excitement hits his spine as he looks at the screen and reads the easily recognizable number. He answers it swiftly, unable to hide his cheery tone from the person redirecting his call, after he presses one to accept.

"Hey, babe," the deep, raspy voice speaks through the other line, painting a picture of that soft smile, tilted slightly and pressed against that black phone.

"I've missed you," Niall is quick to say.

_After that first night, the two of them had developed an unspoken agreement of sorts. They had already made the same exchange three or four times when Niall had heard about this club just a few blocks from his University and who might be there..._

_When none of his friends wanted to come with him (some shit about finals next week or whatever), he showed up by himself. And like clockwork, he's behind the building, on his knees, with the same hand tangled in his hair. The way he's pushing against Niall's head and moving his hips into him isn't all that pleasant for Niall, but this isn't about Niall. This is about those shiny, green pills._

_He finishes and pulls off. Then he stands right in front of the other lad, who zips his trousers and feels around in his pockets. "I don't have your stuff," he says, acting like he doesn't give a shit that he just took advantage of the other boy... but he's avoiding eye contact._

_Niall stands there, staring back at the other lad. He's frustrated, annoyed... absolutely pissed off. But he doesn't show it. He's disappointed. He was used. He really needed that stuff. Now there's nothing he can do._

_Finally, he looks at him. Sighing, he reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out another small baggy, also filled with several small tablets. These are round and gray and don't have the smooth layer around the outside. He puts two of them into his hand and stuffs the rest of the bag back in his jacket, then stares at it as if to be contemplating something._

_Suddenly Niall's being dragged back inside the club. The taller man pulls him through the crowd--but he doesn't feel like he's being dragged because of the way his hand is being held, interlacing their fingers--until they reach the middle of the floor._

_Niall stands where he's lead, they sway to the thumping house music. He watches the man in front of him open up the hand that's holding the pills and pick one up with other. Niall's staring up at him, still not sure of exactly what he's doing. He thumbs Niall's bottom lip, signalling him to open it slightly; then he pushes the tiny pellet against his tongue._

_It dissolves almost_ _immediately and Niall swallows the wet powder that's left. Harry puts the other in Niall's palm and closes his hand around it, as if to tell him to save it for later._

_Instead, he fingers the edges of it. Trying not to be too obvious, he holds it up. The other's mouth is closed but his lips are parted slightly, so Niall places it in between them. The corners of his mouth turn up a bit, and if the music wasn't so loud he'd probably hear him chuckle._

_The two them sway against each other. Niall isn't sure if it's the compact crowd of people pushing against him or if they're this close on purpose, but he likes the way their chests rest against each others and the way their legs intertwine._

_The person in front of him looks blurry and dark. All his movements are delayed and the once loud music now sounds underwater. He almost notices their faces getting closer, a hand delicately holding his chin, their lips ever so lightly touching..._

"How's the house holding up?" Harry asks.

Niall sighs. "Fine," he says, "It feels so empty though..."

Niall pictures Harry holding the phone to his ear, listening intently. The picture is sad. He shouldn't need to be on the phone; he should be laying on this couch next to him, in his own cloths, watching his own old, broken down telly.

_"Will you ever tell me your name," Niall says against the other boys ear._

_Niall doesn't know if it's the high making him dizzy or the soft lips pressing against his own ear and breathing the simple words, "it's Harry."_

"I wish I could kiss you right now," Niall whispers.

"I know," Harry sighs, "me too."

_Their exchanges became a lot more casual after that night at the club. Sometimes Harry would give Niall his supply, but tell him 'not to worry about it.' Other times Niall would put out but wouldn't except the payment. Other times, Harry would find other ways to pay him back._

_When Niall flunks out of enough classes to get himself expelled, his parents kick him out. He keeps telling himself that he'll figure something out, but there's always that overwhelming truth in the back of his head that there's nothing to figure out. He's fucked._

_When he sees Harry again, he accidentally mentions it. He tries to shrug it off as no big deal, but he's not a great actor._

_"Hey, Niall," Harry calls out as Niall starts to walk away. The two of them had never shared very many words and Niall had never actually heard Harry say his name. He was a bit excited to realize that he remembered it. "I have a couch... You know, a couch you could stay on... for a while, at least."_

_Niall spends the first night staring at Harry's ceiling. It's dirty and cracked, and old and unkempt looking, just like the rest of the house. He sits up. How is he supposed to sleep in one of the sketchiest neighborhoods in town? He contemplates sneaking out while Harry's still asleep; however walking around in this neighborhood in the middle of the night wouldn't be a very good idea._

_"Can't sleep?" he hears a low, groggy voice say. Niall turns around to see Harry in his boxers, leaning against the door frame to his room, scratching his messy head of curls._

_"Yeah, sorry I woke you," he whispers._

_"You didn't," Harry replies. The floor creaks as he steps closer to the couch and Niall feels the weight next to him shift. He probably just wants something from him._

_Niall isn't really in the mood, though, so he turns his head a bit as if to ignore him._

_"Just forget them," Harry says as he places a hand to Niall's back. It's big and warm, and actually brings some comfort._

_Niall wants to forget them--his parents--but how? They're his parents, and they gave up on him. He wasn't good enough for them. What's really been pulling at him is the fact that he doesn't even blame them for it._

_"Come here," Harry breaths as he lays down on the couch, pulling Niall down with him. Harry's body feels warm as Niall settles against his chest. He feels safe... safe enough to finally fall asleep as Harry brushes his fingers through Niall's hair. He suddenly likes it here._

"So how long has it been?" Harry asks into the phone.

Niall swallows hard and runs his hand through his hair. "I think like a month and a half," he sighs.

"That's good. Have you been going to your meetings?"

"Mostly, yeah," Niall's resting his head against the arm rest and shutting his eyes and trying not to let his mind go there. "It's hard," he gasps, "without you."

"I'm proud of you," is all Harry says.

_Niall doesn't remember much of when it got bad, but he remembers enough. Blurry images and echo's of Harry's worried yelling fill his mind. "What did you take, Niall!? Tell me what it was!" Everything after that is blank until he's kneeling over the toilet, vomiting, while Harry sits on the edge of the tub next to him. He thinks he passed out in the bathroom, but he wakes up in bed a morning later with Harry clutching to his waist._

_"You're up," Harry whispers when he sees Niall's eyes open slightly._

_The spinning in Niall's head has settled, and he's started to come to his senses. "I'm sorry, Harry," he says groggily._

_"Shh..." Harry presses his lips to his temple. "No, I'm sorry I got upset. Are you feeling better?"_

_Niall nods lightly, feeling the other boy's arms tighten around him._

_"I'm glad."_

_Harry was always very supportive when Niall tried to quit. He tried to hide his supply the best he could, although Niall knew all the places and there was too much to give everything a clever hiding spot. He would hold tightly to his sweaty, trembling body at night and pull him out of bed at two in the morning and force him to clumsily waltz with him when that wasn't enough to distract him from the withdrawals. Whenever Niall couldn't sleep, Harry couldn't sleep._

_But whenever Niall wanted to give up, Harry was always there and had exactly what he wanted._

Niall let's out a deep, drawn out sigh. "So, I called my mom yesterday."

"Really? That's great, Ni," Harry coos, but the insincerity in his voice is easy to detect. It's not that Harry doesn't want Niall to have a relationship with his parents, it's just difficult to deal with. It's obvious that Niall's parents would never approve of Harry, especially now with his track record being impossible to hide.

"She said if I take some classes at the community college, she can pay for them," Niall says.

There's a pause. "Do you want to do that?"

"I don't know," Niall sighs, "I feel like I should. I need to get a better job than at that stupid pizza place."

"I've told you this, Niall, I don't mind supporting you," Harry says quickly.

"Harry, I know that," he retorts. "but how exactly do you plan on supporting either of us when you're out?"

_It's always scary when Harry doesn't come home. There have been days when comes back with a black eye or a bloodied lip. Sometimes he comes back frustrated with another take and run. It kills Niall to think he could have been one of those in the beginning._

_He had been up all night before he had gotten the first call. The only call he wasn't eager to pick up._

_"I promise, Niall, I won't be long," he whispers low enough for no one to here. "These idiots don't even know the half of it."_

_Niall wants the full explanation, every last detail of what caused this to happen. But they only have a few more minutes, and every call after this one will be monitored. So he never gets his full explanation._

"I'll find something to do, Niall," Harry exclaims, "I don't want you getting stressed again. We both know what happens when you get stressed."

Niall takes deep breath. "I know, but I don't want to be the dead weight around here either. When you get out, I want us to be like a team."

"Okay," Harry huffs out a laugh, "we'll be a team."

_The line dividing the meaningless blowjobs and getting high together phase and the sleeping in the same bed and eating breakfast together phase is rather blurred. Niall couldn't sleep without Harry with him (and Harry never seem to mind), then Harry told him he could stay at his house during the day if he didn't have anywhere else to go. The first time they had sex was something neither of them expected. They were just having fun, weren't they? Eventually, they were spending their time talking, cooking, lazily kissing before they fell asleep... They'd never admit to anyone else that they were seeing each other like this, but they both liked it the way it was._

"My times up, I have to go."

"Okay." Niall takes a breath, still holding the phone to his ear. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," Harry hums, "every day. I love you."

"I love you too."

_Niall got the call in the late afternoon. An inmate got hold of a knife._ _According to the guards, there was a seemingly random fight in the courtyard which ended in Harry getting stabbed in the stomach. He bled to death before he reached the hospital._

_He sunk to the floor in despair. He prayed this was all an elaborate nightmare. That he would wake up tucked underneath Harry's arm and warm blankets. Or that he would open his eyes and cross off the last day without him on his calender, then he would go pick him up and bring him here._

_But the dial tone sounded and he didn't wake up. He lives in his nightmare._


End file.
